Sarcasm and Lies
by Julie-Baka
Summary: Thor goes to Earth to visit Jane and brings Loki with him in the hope that visiting New Mexico will help Loki change his evil ways. What Thor doesn't know is that it's the holiday season and Jane has an overly sarcastic "family member" visiting. Could this new girl actually be helpful to Loki, or will the two end up worse off than they already are?
1. Chapter 1: A Surprise Visit

_**Author's Note:**__** This fanfic had started to be written way before the 'Thor: The Dark World' trailers or even the movie itself came out, and I really didn't feel like changing my fanfic once I saw the movie since I had already written so much. So just as a warning, this won't have anything to do with nor will there be mention of 'Thor: The Dark World'.**_

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Thor and Loki walked down one of the dusty New Mexico roads. It was winter on Earth but the sky was clear even though the temperature was still slightly cold.

Thor was here to visit Jane. He brought Loki along with the hope that it would help set him on the right path again; Thor figured that since this place changed him for the better, then maybe Loki could benefit too.

They eventually found their way to the building where Jane worked; it was kind of hard to miss since her trailer was parked right by it. Thor walked right into the lab with Loki, just as a dark-haired woman entered the room from another door; she was carrying a large box of various shiny, colorful, things. Thor almost mistook her for Darcy, but he quickly realized that her hair was much too short; she was somebody that he had never met before.

"Yo' sis' where's the-" The woman stopped mid-sentence when she saw them and just stared at them; her eyes were so wide from shock that Thor could clearly distinguish the dark green of here irises.

The woman abruptly dropped the box onto the floor, turned around slowly, and then dashed back out of the room.

"…J-JANE! There are some creepy role-play dudes in here!" Thor heard her yell as she ran.

Only a few moments later, she came back with Jane at her side.

"See?" The woman said to Jane. "They're still here!"

Jane looked at Thor for a second before running over to him and hugging him.

Loki looked away in disgust.

"Jane? Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today?" The woman asked Jane, with a confused look.

Jane ignored her question.

"What are you doing here?" Jane asked Thor.

"I came to pay you a visit." Thor said with a smile. "And I brought my brother, Loki." Thor motioned to Loki. "I was hoping that this place would change him for the better, as it had done for me."

Jane looked a bit concerned.

"Isn't he-" Jane was interrupted by Thor.

"I assure you that Loki cannot do any harm at this time." Thor said.

The dark-haired woman's face was now contorted into a look of absolute confusion.

"By the way, who is your friend?" Thor asked Jane.

"Oh, this is Julia;" Jane motioned to Julia. "She's my younger sister."

"I didn't know you had a sister." Thor looked from Jane to Julia, not seeing much of a resemblance between the two.

"We're not technically sisters," Julia explained with an annoyed face, "nor are we even blood-related."

"She's adopted?" Thor asked Jane.

"Kind of. You see, my dad was friends with her dad-" Jane was interrupted by Julia.

"-And then my dad died when I was a baby, so Jane's dad became my legal guardian, and so we grew up together making us "sisters" in a way." Julia said quickly in a harsh tone. "My full name is Julia Hayes. I'd like to say it's nice to meet you, but then I'd be lying. Bye."

With that, she turned around, walked back over to her box of items, and began picking up the objects that had fallen out of the box when she dropped it.

Loki raised an eyebrow in interest.

"**_Julia!_**" Jane snapped.

Julia ignored her, picked up her box, and left the room without another word.

Jane turned back to Thor.

"I'm sorry." Jane sighed. "She has a bit of an issue with strangers. She doesn't really mean anything that she says."

"Believe me, when I insulted you, it was completely intentional!" Julia yelled from the other room.

Jane sighed in frustration.

"_Thank you_, Julia!" She called back in an annoyed tone.

"Don't thank me for insulting you, it was a pleasure!" Julia yelled back.

"Okay, I'm just going to ignore that." Jane sighed in defeat.

"It's alright! I haven't listened to a word you've said since the day I met you!" Julia called out smugly.

"Weren't you _doing something_!?"

Julia didn't respond back; the only answer was the hurried sound of rustling paper.

"Charming girl, isn't she?" Loki muttered sarcastically.


	2. Chapter 2: A Minor Conflict

_**Author's Note:**__** I think now would probably be a good time to warn you that, unsurprisingly, Julia will most likely be somewhat profane throughout the story. (Starting with the one swear word used in this chapter.) I do not judge people who swear, so do not judge me because of the fact that I myself do not say or even type swear words despite the fact that I'm a legal adult. (Thus the reason why you see odd things like "holy fudge-monkey", "fudge-bucket", and "crud" in most of my other fanfictions.) So the words will be fairly censored using one or more of the following characters: !, #, $, %, &, * However, they will not be so censored that you can't tell what they are if you already know them. So if swear words aren't your cup of tea, then you probably shouldn't continue reading.**_

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Jane invited Thor and Loki inside where they sat down at some chairs and engaged in some casual conversation.

"I take it you and your sister do not get along?" Thor asked Jane.

"It's kind of an on-and-off thing." Jane replied. "She really only acts out when there's company. She's been that way since we were kids."

"Hey, Jane!?" Julia called out from the other room, interrupting their conversation. "Is Darcy coming back anytime soon!?"

"No, she went home for the holidays!" Jane answered.

"Aw…" Julia whined.

Suddenly there was a loud crash.

"_What was that!?_" Jane groaned.

"Don't worry; it was just me falling off the now broken stepstool and onto the hard, cold floor!"

Loki smirked a bit.

"Oh my god! Are you okay!?" Jane jumped up from her seat in alarm.

"Yeah, I'm fine!" Julia replied. "I can't say the same for your cabinet though!"

"_Julia!_" Jane sighed in frustration, before walking into the other room.

Thor and Loki could hear the two arguing in the other room.

"What were you trying to do!?" Jane asked.

"I was looking for the superglue," Julia explained, "then the stepstool broke and I stupidly attempted to grab the cabinet for support. I didn't know whole door would rip off!"

"Julia, you're really some piece of work!"

"Hey! Be happy I'm light enough that the whole cabinet didn't rip off the wall!"

"You also broke the stepstool!"

"Well it was probably already strained from you're fat a$$ stepping onto it all the time!"

"Shut up, will you!?"

"Oh, _I'm sorry, Your Highness_, should I go get you your coffee and tea now?"

"You see!? This is why you can't make friends!"

"Well, _maybe_ I just haven't had the chance to!"

"I've been trying to help you make friends since we were in elementary school!"

"_Yeah_, and I don't know _what _I'd do without you. I might have come out of my shell; had confidence and **a life!**"

"_You_ could never **behave** in school! _I _**thought **you would get better if you met new people! "

"Well,_ maybe_ there was a reason why I acted out!"

"If there was, then you never told me!"

"Oh. I didn't tell you? Then it must be **none of your business!**"

"What's **_wrong_** with you!?

"I'm not sure what's wrong, but it's probably **your fault!**"

"I can tell you're lying!"

"_Oh yeah!?_ Then how can you tell!?"

"Your lips are moving!"

"Whatever. I **don't** _lie_; even if I **do** sometimes _withhold_ _information_."

"Then stop withholding the truth!"

"Well, let's just say the human race is lucky I'm such a nice person, otherwise only 1/4 of them would be alive right now!"

"Julia, if you killed everybody who hates you, it wouldn't be murder; **it would be an apocalypse!**"

"Then this is an excellent time for_ you_ to become a missing person."

Loki chuckled at bit at Jane and Julia's argument.

"I should go assist Jane." Thor said with a concerned look on his face as he got up and went into the other room.

Julia and Jane apparently didn't notice that Thor walked in, because Loki could hear their bickering continue as strong as ever.

"Just because you don't care, it doesn't make it right!" Jane scolded Julia.

"I may not be right, but I can sure sound like it!" Julia snapped.

"Why can't you just stop the sarcasm and be serious for one second!?"

"You think I'm sarcastic? Watch me _pretend_ to care! If you have a problem with me, then get out your calculator and solve it..."

Right then, Julia stormed out of the room, carrying her box of colorful things and muttering profanities under her breath.

Loki watched as she approached the large window in front of the area where Loki was sitting, and as she turned around to set the box on the ground Loki and Julia locked eyes for a moment. Loki could see a look of fear quickly cross her face; like a deer in the headlights. She clearly hadn't expected Loki to be sitting in the room.

She abruptly turned back around to face the window, sat down on the floor, and began taking the supplies out of the box; muttering angrily to herself the whole time.


	3. Chapter 3: Over The Edge

Loki watched in interest as Julia began cutting blue and white pieces of construction paper into the shape of snowflakes.

She still muttered angrily as she worked.

"…I'm surrounded by freaks…I swear, this place is so weird that the cockroaches have moved next door..." She growled under her breath.

"Who exactly are you referring to as _freaks_?" Loki asked, slightly offended.

"I'm kinda busy right now. Can I ignore you some other time?" Julia hissed.

"Whatever it is that is eating you, it must be suffering horribly." Loki said, raising an eyebrow at Julia.

"Don't p!$$ me off!" Julia snapped. "I'm running out of places to hide bodies..."

She picked up a case that contained an assortment of small tubes of glitter. As she inspected the case of glitter, Loki couldn't help but be amused at how serious she looked while she was trying to decide which to use.

"Don't let your mind wander;" Loki teased, "it is far too small to be let out on its own."

"Don't you realize that there are **enough** people to hate in the world already without_ you_ putting in so much effort to give me another!?"

Loki smirked. He was starting to wonder how far he could push her before she went over the edge.

"Do you want me to accept you as you are, or do you want me to lie to myself and try to like you?" Loki asked.

"I would have liked to insult you right there, but the sad truth is that you wouldn't understand me." Julia replied.

"I'm impressed; I've never met such a small mind inside such a large head before."

"Well, I've come across rotting bodies that are less offensive than you are!"

"Pardon me, but you are obviously mistaking me for someone who gives a d mn."

"What's wrong, don't you get any attention back home?" Julia growled as she angrily began taping some of her completed snowflakes onto the window.

Loki smirked.

**_It. Was. On._**


	4. Chapter 4: Sparking Curiosity

Before Loki could respond to Julia, Jane and Thor walked out of the other room.

"_Julia…_" Jane groaned. "I told you not to stick things to the window!"

"Whatever." Julia said, clearly annoyed.

"Why would you think it's a good idea to use tape on the window?" Jane sighed.

"Because sometimes I just don't care!" Julia replied.

"Whatever…" Jane said with a defeated sigh. "Thor and I are going out to get some things so I can fix the cabinet. Just try not to burn down the place while I'm gone."

"No promises." Julia said simply before going back to her paper snowflakes.

Jane just sighed in annoyance and left with Thor.

"Must you always act sarcastic?" Loki asked Julia once Jane and Thor were gone.

"Sarcasm is the body's natural defense against stupid." Julia replied with a shrug.

"Well those of you, who think you know everything, are annoying those of us who do." Loki sighed, trying to sound bored in order to get Julia riled up again. There was nothing else for him to do anyway, so why not continue with his fun?

"Excuse me; please don't interrupt me while I'm **IGNORING YOU**!"

"Why do people who know the least know it the loudest?"

"I will defend, to your death, my right to my opinion."

"Good luck trying to stay alive for about 4000 more years."

"Ha! I intend to live forever, and so far, so good."

"Well you have not been alive for 1048 years so far, now have you?"

Julia stopped what she was doing and gave Loki an odd look.

Loki raised an eyebrow. He hadn't expected her to react like this.

"Dude…seriously? What the h*ll even are you?" Julia asked suddenly, still sounding as sarcastic as ever but looking very serious. "I know you're not human, but how is it that you've managed to live this long and not be demoted to a single cell organism?"

"I am not sure if you are kidding or not…" Loki said.

"My level of sarcasm is to a point where _I_ don't even know if I'm kidding or not." Julia said seriously.

Loki chuckled at the thought that he possibly just sparked Julia's curiosity. This was much more amusing that he thought it would be.

Who knows? Maybe he could even manage to have a real conversation with her?


	5. Chapter 5: Warming Up

"Hey! What the h*ll are _you_ laughing at!?" Julia asked haughtily with her hands on her hips.

"You are not obnoxious like so many other mortals;" Loki said, "you are obnoxious in a completely different and far worse way."

"Meh…I grow on people," Julia said with a shrug as she went back to her little project; "but then again so does cancer."

"You seem to have an inferiority complex, and I believe it is fully justified."

"Well, _you_ should do some soul-searching. You might just find one."

"Are you implying that I do not have a soul?"

"I'm just being honest. Honesty is the best policy."

"Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is the best defense."

"Hey! I'm not crazy; my reality is just different than yours. If anyone in this room is insane, it's _you_!"

"I do not suffer from insanity, I enjoy every minute of it." Loki said with a smirk. "And by the looks of it, I would say the same goes for you."

Julia laughed at Loki's response.

Loki was surprised he even got a laugh from her; and not a sarcastic one.

"You're funny. I like you. People say I've got no taste, but I like you." Julia said with smile.

By this point, Julia was nearly done sticking snowflakes to the window; or at least the part she could reach.

She stepped back and frowned at the blank section that was out of her reach. She couldn't get the stepstool like she had originally planned since she broke it.

Without saying anything, Julia walked out of the room and came back loudly dragging a metal fold-out chair behind her. Loki watched in interest as she unfolded the chair, set it in front of the window, and proceeded to step up onto it. She wobbled a bit, but quickly regained her balance.

"I am not going to catch you if you fall." Loki said, raising an eyebrow.

"I don't expect you to!" Julia snapped before continuing to tape paper snowflakes to the window.

_'Already back to normal I see…'_ Loki thought. _'That was rather quick…'_


	6. Chapter 6: Glitter

Loki continued to watch Julia tape her paper snowflakes onto the window. He couldn't help but notice how intricate the patterns were. Some had hearts and stars cut into them, some had smaller snowflake shapes cut inside the original snowflake; each one was different and obviously created with extreme care.

"You know, you _could_ make yourself useful instead of just sitting on your a$$ and watching me work, you creep." Julia said.

"I _could_, but that does not mean that I _will_." Loki said.

"You can thank your lucky stars that everything I wish for will never come true."

"Is that a threat?"

"Yes, no, maybe so." Julia said simply before putting the roll of tape between her teeth so she could use both hands to tape up the next snowflake.

Loki got up and walked to the window so he could examine the paper snowflakes a bit closer. He wasn't really interested, just very bored. Or at least, that's what he told himself.

As Julia was taping a snowflake it slipped out of her hand. She reflexively tried to catch it, but lost balance as the chair began to tip from the suddenly shift in weight.

"F*ck! F*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck!" Julia cursed, slightly muffle by the tape still held in her teeth as she tried in vain to rebalance the chair.

She tumbled off the chair and right onto Loki, knocking him down.

"**MOTHER F*CKER!**" Julia shouted. "**THAT HURT LIKE A B*TCH!**"

"Well I told you that I would not catch you." Loki said. "Now would you kindly get off of me?"

"What if I say no?"

Without hesitation, Loki shoved Julia off of himself and stood up.

"Well, you know what-" Julia stopped in the middle of her sentence, stared at Loki, and started laughing uncontrollably.

"What exactly is so amusing to you?" Loki asked.

"You- I- I can't-" Julia gasped out, trying to control her laughter. "Just- Just look!" Julia just pointed at Loki with one hand while her other hand clutched her side.

Loki looked down and saw that he was covered in glitter. Confused, he look over at the box that had contained the glitter, it had been crushed. He had landed on top of it after Julia landed on him and the impact must have burst the various tubes of glitter and glitter glue which had smeared on both him and the floor around the box.

Julia had managed to control her laughter enough to stand up. She was wiping tears away from her face and trying to take deep breaths.

"Okay. I'm okay. Let me go get you a rag or something." Julia said, still half-giggling. "Don't move, you'll get glitter on everything."

Julia left the room and came back with two rags.

"Here you go, Glitter Boy." She said, tossing one of the rags at him.

Loki began trying to wipe what glitter he could off of himself, while Julia proceeded to clean up what she could off the floor.

After a few moments, Julia stood up. The rag she was using, as well as her hands, were completely covered in glitter.

"I'm gonna need a new box to put all this cr*p in…" Julia muttered as she absentmindedly brushed a strand of hair away from her face. "And I just smeared glitter all over my face, didn't I?"

Julia turned towards Loki. She now had a streak of blue and green glitter on her cheek and partially in her hair.

"Yes, indeed you did." Loki replied.

"D*mn it." Julia muttered. "I'm gonna go get a new rag."

"Stay there." Loki said before Julia could leave the room.

Loki walked over to Julia. His hands were relatively clean of glitter and he had only used one side of his rag. He flipped the rag over to the clean side.

"What are you-"

"Just hold still." Loki said as he began wiping away the glitter from Julia's cheek. The two stayed silent for what seemed like a long moment.

"You know, when I look into your eyes…" Julia started, breaking the silence, "I see straight through to the back of your head."

Well, _that_ sentence took an odd turn, but Loki figured that was probably as close as Julia can get to actually saying "thank you".

"Why the sarcasm?" Loki asked.

"Hey, I speak 4 languages: English, Profanity, Sarcasm, and Real Sh!t."

"A sharp tongue does not mean you have a keen mind." Loki said with a smirk as he finished wiping the glitter off her face.

"Right back at you." Julia laughed.

"Julia, _why_ is there glitter everywhere!?"

Julia and Loki looked over to see Jane and Thor walk in with a bag of supplies to fix the broken cabinet.

"Cool your jets, Jane! I'm gonna vacuum it up later!" Julia said.

Jane just sighed in defeat and walking into the other room.

"I see you and Loki are getting along." Thor commented as he walked by, following Jane.

"I have decided to spare his life…for now." Julia joked.

Loki just smirked at Julia. This girl is puzzle, but it seems as though he has earned some amount of her respect.


End file.
